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C Днем Рождения, Джосс!But Then Joss Got High
by Liz Marie
(Mixed voices in the background, Joss comes out with some kind of cigarette while the cast looks on)
Spike: (whispering) It's like, he doesn't care about anything, man.
Dru: (holds onto Miss Edith, cowering) He frightens my dollies.
Willow: (turns to Xander) Me too, Dru. How about you, Xander?
Xander: I was going to turn out gay, until Joss got high....
I was supposed to be suave and debonair, but then Joss got high...
My taste in clothes still sucks, and I know why....
Everyone: Why?
Xander: Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high... la da da da da da da
читать дальшеWillow: I was gonna be the dumb one, but then Joss got high....
I was supposed to be a headbanger punk, until Joss got high...
Now I'm a magic lesbian, and I know why...
Everyone: Why?
Willow: Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high...
Oz: I was only a blond, but then Joss got high....
I was supposed to be permanent, before Joss got high...
Now I get a shout out once a season, and I know why...
Everyone: Why?
Oz: Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high... la da da da da da da
Giles: I was gonna wear all polyester, before Joss got high...
I was gonna have a French accent, but then Joss got high...
Now there's still a stick up my @$, and I know why...
Everyone: Why?
Giles: Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high... la da da da da da da
Amy: My mom was in P.T.A., until Joss got high...
I was President of Chess Club, but then Joss got high...
Now I'm a rat in a cage, and I know why...
Everyone: Why?
Amy: Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high... la da da da da da da
Tara: I completed full sentences, until Joss got high...
I was going to have a show on Lifetime, but then Joss got high...
Now I have naughty buffybot dreams and I know why....
Everyone: Why?
Tara: Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high... la da da da da da da
Joyce: I was gonna have a normal dating life, before Joss got high...
Laundry Day wasn't my most dangerous day, but then Joss got high...
Now I'm worm food, and I know why...
Everyone: Why?
Joyce: Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high... la da da da da da da
Cordelia: I was Homecoming Queen, before Joss got high...
I had hair down to my butt, until Joss got high...
Now Daddy's in Leavenworth, and I know why...
Everyone: Why?
Cordelia: Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high... la da da da da da da
Angel: I had some balls, but then Joss got high...
I wasn't the Magnificent Poof before Joss got high...
Now Manilow's my GOD, and I know why...
Everyone: Why?
Angel: Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high...
Dru: I was afraid of the dark, until Joss got high...
I was going to be the next President!, but then Joss got high...
Now there's going to be a terrible duel, and I know why!
Everyone: Why?
Dru: Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high... la da da da da da da
Spike: I was a vampire who could always get it up, before Joss got high...
Robots weren't made for wild crazy monkey lovin', but then Joss got high...
Now I'm trading my Desoto for a minivan, and I know why...
Everyone: Why?
Spike: Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high... la da da da da da da
Riley: I wasn't Maggie's butt monkey, but then Joss got high...
Brazilian chimpanzees never molested me, until Joss got high...
Now I'm Freddie Prinze Jr.'s comic relief and I know why....
Everyone: Why? Riley: Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high... la da da da da da da
Buffy: I was gonna live past 25, until Joss got high...
The guys I was with would have a spine, but then Joss got high...
Now I've drowned, plummeted to my death and I'm still alive....
Everyone: Why?
Buffy: Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high... la da da da da da da
[Joss comes forward, a lot of smoke around him, and everyone scatters, some hiding themselves, some falling into the fetal position. Joss just laughs cruelly.]
Joss: Buffy was gonna be an accountant, but then I got high...
My name was originally Josh, until Dad got high...
Now I'm the RULER OF THE UNIVERSE! And I know WHY!
Everyone: You know we don't care, you keep giving us happy times and then make us all cry and it's just tugging on our emotional heart strings too much. Would you just--- Joss: (Smacking them upside the head) WHITE BOY RAPPING HERE! I must be high, I must be high, I must be high... (Walks off laughing) HAHA! I'M NOT THE NERD IN HIGH SCHOOL ANYMORE AM I, BEOTCH?
Buffy: (making sure he's not there) Okay, guys, let's jet.
Giles: But you're the slayer, can't you stop him?
Buffy: What are you kidding me? He has more lives than I do. Let's just hope he stays away from the... (a clatter in the background) Oh, god, he's found the type writer.
Xander: (rolls his eyes at a now sobbing Riley) I'm out of here. This song is never gonna get us enough money to run to Canada...
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